I'm not here for your amusement!

Icky

2007-08-22T01:22:29Z

hector forwarded this to me today and i thought that was sweet. i was like, "what does this have to do with anything" and he was like "what we talked about over the weekend" and in my head i was thinking "how do you expect me to remember this past weekend" =P

which reminds me. i saw a psychic last week. haha. she told me i would come into money soon and i found a metrocard with $8 on it yesterday. every little bit helps.

*yawns* i feel gross tonight. bleh! i took an hour nap and that seemed to help a little. i probably hop in the shower after i do dishes and take care of the kitties...hopefully this feeling will pass.

*grumbles* it's freakin' freezin! brrrrrr.

here's where heather suggested going on friday:

Dixon Place Presents: JOSEPH KECKLER AND FRIENDS at 10 PM on 8.17, 8.18, 8.23, 8.24. Keckler will perform Cat Lady, a new monologue in which the storyteller narrates an afternoon in the home of his mother, who has created a theater, of sorts, where cats are the actors. Past lives are recalled, songs are sung, and finally a trip to the vet's is made in this comedic and dark exploration of the relationship between art and trauma. 258 Bowery, 2nd floor. Btwn Houston and Prince.

http://www.playnyc.com/default.htm also seems like a hot spot piffy and i might want to check out.

fuck me. there is so much to do tomorrow. i = world's worst procrastinator. what a waste.

and i think piffy & i need to go see superbad this weekend.

Update

2007-07-02T16:33:56Z

It's a gorgeous day outside. It sucks that I'm stuck inside updating peoples' pledges...I'm going to read/write on the terrace for lunch...

I went to the gym this morning...finally...I've been enjoying weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee protein shakes and gearing up for our trip to DC tomorrow...I need the vacation for sure.

Landon and I got some new tunes this weekend...he's been teaching me how to spin.

We went over to Pavan's for a cookout last night. It was gorgeous weather for it.

I'm determined to get in shape this summer.

That is all...

John

2007-06-24T21:34:11Z

I'm struggling with so much inner emotion and turmoil that it scares me. I don't know how to harness this energy, let alone make sense of it.

I went and saw John, my nephew's father, last week (he's in a Vetrans Hospital in Richmond). He was shot in an altercation a while back (towards the end of last year).

I met up with his mom and went to see him. I don't think he remembers me, but he was very sweet.

I don't know how to describe what I'm feeling right now. It absolutely broke me to see him. He's stubborn (his son is just like him) and the the two remind me so much of each other. John still tries to do everything for himself, just like little John. I've come to appreciate stubborness when I see the two of them. Sometimes it is a blessing.

He's learning everything again. How to speak. He can say no pretty well (and hell no!) and yes, and "oorah" (definitely a marine). Everytime I mentioned his son he laughed. He remembers both my sister and little John (he doesn't remember everybody or everything).

He went to visit one of his friends while I was with him. His friend, Coco, was hit by an RPG and was having follow up brain surgery. Although John isn't the same, you can tell he has a big heart. He immediately went up to Coco and held his hand and sat with him. Leila (John's mom) and I were wheeling him through one of the units and this older gentleman (a little senile) kept saying "help me, help me," John put his foot down to stop the wheelchair and tried to get his mom to go back so that he could help him. Leila said, "John, they are helping him, he has a brain injury too, he'll be alright." That's when I just about lost it.

When Melissa was pregnant and her and John were still together he was always so quiet. Piffy & I always assumed he thought he was too good for us, etc. Now, when I look at him, I wonder if he was just a quiet man.

Iraq changed him. He injured his arm in Iraq and didn't tell anyone the whole time he was over there because he didn't want to leave his team. Leila and Johnny (John's Dad) found some horrific pictures in his things after the accident. When he came home he called my sister and told her that he wanted to come down and wanted to get an apartment with her so that they could raise little John together. My sister was moving on in her life and I remember her telling me John wanted to come down and she didn't know what to say because she knew she didn't want to get back together with him. I can't imagine what John, or any of our troops go through in Iraq/Afghanistan. Leila told me the pictures had peoples intestines hanging outside of their body and things like that. My mom gave John a necklace with St. Christopher on it before he went to Iraq and he was still wearing it during the accident. Leila & Johnny believe it's what got him home safe from Iraq and Johnny is wearing it until John is well enough to wear it himself.

He's moving to the vet hospital up in DC because he's plateaued at the Richmond one. Landon and I are going to go visit him over the 4th of July holiday. I can tell little John gets his flirting from his dad. John is still a big flirt and says so much with his eyes, even if he's still learning to speak.

He was in a coma for a long time, so the fact that he's this far gives me hope. I don't know why, but I love him so much. I want little John's dad to be okay and to see his son grow up and it just tears me up.

I hate the man that did this to him. They released the 911 call the night John was shot and I saw pictures of him walking into the court room. I don't think I've ever hated someone in my entire life, until this point. I'm not sure what to do with that though. I look at this man and he has no remorse and he's talking in the call about how he "popped" him. I've never been so angry and so sick. He claims it was self defense, but I just don't believe it (John was unarmed). Landon and I sit and talk about it and I try to piece what happened together, but there are so many conflicting stories. The articles I read don't make sense and the things my parents and John's parents say don't make sense. The Scorpio in me wants to know what the fuck happen because nothing adds up. The Scorpio in me wants to go sit in that courtroom the day the man is sentenced, even though it's none of my business because I just can't understand what happened and I want to get a good look at the man who did this and make my own judgments.

All in all, we don't treat our vets well enough. Going into that hospital made me so livid about what they and their families have to go through. We don't value human life enough. In four hours with John I realized that. Leila lives in a hotel and hasn't been able to work and I met another mother who is the same way. There isn't always housing and they won't let family stay in the hospital. At one of the hospitals John was at they almost gave him a MRI which would have killed him. Leila flipped out...she's trying to stick by him as much as she can because he can't speak for himself, but at the same time she's also trying to teach him how to stand up for himself with nurses and other people, because she won't always be there.
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I don't know what to do with all these feelings. I've been having dreams about floods again (I used to have re-occurring dreams about bridges breaking when I was little...now my dreams are all about floods).

I just wish I knew what to do with all these feelings.

Deep Thought

2007-03-31T02:25:56Z

If God dwells inside us, like some people say, I sure hope He likes enchiladas, because that's what He's getting.

Meditation

2007-02-17T15:18:40Z

There are no mistakes, no coincidences.
All events are blessings given to us to learn from.

Elisabeth Kuebler-Ross

Meditation Quotation

2007-02-15T13:35:05Z

The state of self-realization, as we call it,
is not attaining something new or reaching some goal which is far away,
but simply being that which you always are and which you always have been.

Ramana Maharshi

Making Fiends

2007-01-16T13:20:14Z

Tee Hee

"emo-toonery"*

*BoingBoing.net

Meditation Quotation

2007-01-15T13:21:25Z

Beyond anything else, listen to yourself.
You are meant to discover reality from inside and to direct your life in this way.
As you begin to live according to your own guidance and your own daring,
everything changes completely.

B. Marciniak

Science Rox

2007-01-15T13:12:52Z

In 2002 scientists at Touro College in the US removed some muscle from the abdomen of an anaesthetised goldfish and placed it in a saline solution enriched with foetal calf serum.

The muscle reportedly grew by 15 per cent in a few weeks. It was then coated in breadcrumbs and lightly sautéed in olive oil: scientists said that the resulting dish “smelled good”.

link

LoL

RIP Noodle Man

2007-01-11T15:42:03Z

Mr. Noodle

Meditation Quotation

2007-01-11T15:35:13Z

Good morning
Morning sun
Sun flower
Flower of light
Light in your heart
Heart of love

Meditation Quote

2006-12-29T15:44:18Z

Meditation is neither a religion nor a philosophy, but a way of liberation.
It is the game of discovering who you are beneath the social masks.

Friends Only

2006-08-09T17:30:59Z

Meditation Tips, Various Articles, Quotes, and some Creative Writings are public, however, the personal stuff is friends only for privacy purposes.